说一说…..父母
前一阵子，参加了一个心灵课程。
一位三十岁左右的男人出来做分享。
他在新加坡工作，去年得知妈妈的癌症复发，而且还开始扩散，心里很难过，也很纠结。
他问了一个长辈朋友他该选择留在新加坡继续打拼事业还是辞职回去陪伴妈妈？
那位长辈朋友跟他说了自己亲生的经历。
长辈朋友说他年轻的时候，母亲患癌症，他带着母亲到处寻医，希望可以把母亲治好。
最后有位医生跟他说，他的母亲只剩一个月的命。
他致电给远在国外念医学系的弟弟，告诉他这个消息。
他的弟弟几年前获得了某间著名大学的医科奖学金，一个人到国外升学。
他还剩四个月就毕业，正式成为一个专业医生。
他跟教授申请一个月的假期，希望自己可以陪母亲走完她最后的人生。
结果教授不领情，说如果他这时候停学，就没办法毕业。
后来，他跟教授说，他很谢谢教授这几年对他的照顾和教导，但母亲只有一个，于是他选择了停学，回到家乡照顾妈妈。
长辈朋友说，他的弟弟归来后，每天无微不至照顾卧床的母亲，喂食，洗澡，清洗排泄物….。
而母亲在孩子细心的照顾和陪伴下多活了三个月才离开人间。
听完长辈朋友的故事，他决定辞职，回到他成长的土地，回到那个赐予他生命的母亲身边。
他的妈妈因为不想再承受多年前做化疗的幸苦，于是选择自然疗法。
他陪着妈妈一起学习气功，一起练习。
当妈妈学习遇到障碍时，他耐心教导妈妈，陪伴她一次又一次的练习。
这一次她带着妈妈，甚至爸爸一起来上课，三人之间的交流一天比一天温暖，一天比一天更往内心深处流动。
你可以看见这个三十的大男孩，边哽咽边诚恳地分享他内心的感受时，脸上闪耀着光芒，他的孝心滋养着他的生命，富足了他的灵魂，也感动了所有聆听的每一颗心。
你可以看见他患癌的妈妈因为他的爱而流露出幸福的笑容。
你可以看见他踏出的每一步是如何地一点一点软化了平时大男人的爸爸，让老夫老妻的爸妈重新感受相爱的甜蜜。
这段分享一直在我心中流淌，像安静清澈的河流，流过之处都获得了一份滋润。
今年农历过年前，九十几岁的外公中风跌倒，摔断了腿，也检查出食道收窄而必须插鼻胃管进食。
外公一向喜欢独居，就算孩子怎么相劝，他还是不愿意搬去跟任何一个孩子居住。
于是妈妈在家里附近准备了一个房子给外公住，方便照顾他老人家。
这个区可热闹了，小弟，大舅，表妹，两个表弟都住在附近，而二弟和二弟媳就住在正对面，很多照应。
外公出院后，爸妈，三个阿姨和舅舅们每天轮班，24小时在身边照顾卧床的外公。
有个专业护士来给外公做护理和检查时，跟他们说以她的经验观察，外公可能没办法坚持到过完年。
妈妈致电给我，让我有点心理准备。
农历年回家乡时，本来妈妈阿姨们已经订好餐厅一共六桌酒席给外公和我一起庆祝生日，因为我们两人是同一天生日，而且经常很靠近或在过年期间，已经有好几年，我都和阿公一起接受大家的生日祝福，一起许愿，一起吹蜡烛，切蛋糕。而这一次，阿公不止不能庆祝生日，而且长辈们也交代我们不要提这件事，因为在马来西亚华人的传统习俗里，老人家病重忌过生日。
于是所有的孩子，孙子和曾孙子每天都到外公家拜年，聚餐，非常热闹。
外公虽然行动不便，但躺在床上静静的聆听子孙们欢乐的声音，让他觉得很开心，嘴角不自觉微微上扬，好像这些陪伴就是他最好的良药。
他不停吩咐阿姨一定要记得帮他准备好红包，他要亲自给我们每人一个红包。
“爸，新年快乐，身体健康…阿公，恭喜发财，身体健康….阿祖，恭喜发财…。“我们七十几个人沿着客厅到厨房排成长长的队伍，一个一个握着阿公的手，从他手上接过那封非常珍贵的红包。
过完年，回到家，每天和妈妈通电话跟进外公的情况。
一天一天细心的照顾下和子孙每天的陪伴下，外公不止渡过了整个农历年，还自行拔掉鼻胃管（因为太不舒服），然后神奇的开始可以自己进食。
前几天，弟媳传来一条短片，一打开，看见外公竟然可以站起来慢慢的步行了。
这一次新冠肺炎疫情在全球大爆发，欧洲许多独居和疗养院的老人，在未接受正式治疗下，在家或疗养院孤独离世。
而小黄花慈善教育基金会也在行动管制令期间为一些贫穷的独居老人提供免费粮食。
以前和阿姨们一起探访过一间老人院，院长说他看到越来越多的老人院开设，心里觉得很悲哀。
我们现代人引以为傲，这越来越先进，越来越文明，科技越来越发达，物品越来越精致，教育程度越来越高的都市里，为什么就容纳不下这些前半辈子都在为社会为家庭付出的生命呢？
他们曾经也是年轻气盛，朝气蓬勃的劳动者，为什么在他们最需要被关怀，被爱护，被疼爱的最后的岁月里却被遗忘甚至遗弃？
越来越多的优越感并没能让我们感受越来越多的快乐，越来越争取的私人空间让人们的距离越拉越远……。
远到我们都看不见一些真正重要和值得珍惜的人和事。
这些老人们的家人呢？
也许背后有很多很多的故事，但这些故事是不是也许可以因为少一点的自我，多一点的同理心而被改写呢？
宇宙创造生命，而父母就是带这些生命来到这个世界的桥梁。
为什么我们可以把最好的给孩子，却不能把最好的给父母？
好友奶茶一个人照顾奶奶，爸爸和妈妈三个老人家，经常就是走路去看他们，陪他们，给他们煮好吃的，大小事都替他们打点。
每次看到她分享和奶奶，爸妈的合照，影片和文字时，心里都特别感动。
她堂堂一个影后，视后，歌后，平日的生活里，就是一个尽心尽力在照顾上面三个老人和下面一个孩子的平凡妈妈，女儿和孙女。
去年，我和一个好友探访一家慈善收留所，里头住了六十几位失智老人，他们都是因为各种各样的原因而被收留，有一些偶尔有家人来探望，有一些甚至无人问津。
看着那些老人枯萎的身躯躺在床上，空洞地望向远方，任由孤寂一寸一寸地侵蚀他的灵魂，生命就在这暗淡的小屋里渐渐地走向死亡，心里很是难过。
让我们闭上眼，回想小时候，父母辛苦照顾我们的身影，安静下来，感受一下现在的父母，我们是不是还可以聆听到他们的声音，感受彼此连接的温暖？
Let’s talk about….. Parents
Just recently, I participated in a spiritual class. There was a man, in his thirties who did a sharing session. He works in Singapore and last year, he learned that his mother’s cancer had recurred and it had begun to spread. He felt a wave of sad and complicated emotions overcome him.
He asked an elderly friend for advice, if he should choose to stay in Singapore to pursue his career or resign to accompany his mother?
This elderly friend of his then shared his own experience with him. When he was young, his own mother had cancer and he brought his mother around to seek for medical treatment, hoping to be able to cure her. Alas, one doctor gave him one news he would not want to hear, mentioning that his mother only had a month left to live.
He has a brother who had received a medical scholarship to study in a prestigious University a few years back and was all alone studying abroad. He gave his brother a call and delivered the unfortunate news. He was only four months away from graduation before he could be formally known as a professional doctor.
He applied for a month leave from his professor, hoping to accompany his mother through her final days. However, his application was rejected with the reason given that if he was to stop his courses, he would not be able to graduate.
He then thanked his professor for his care, guidance and advices throughout the many years but he chose and decided to take his leave and return to his homeland to care for his mother as there is only one mother in the world to him.
When his brother returned, with the special, attentive care and companionship given to his bed-ridden mother; feeding, bathing her, cleaning up her excrement, she managed to live through for another three months.
After listening to his friend’s story, he made a firm decision to resign from his job, returned to the place he grew up, returned to be with the woman who gave him life. His mother did not want to go through the sufferings of chemotherapy and chose holistic treatment instead.
He accompanied his mother to learn Qigong and practiced it together with her. He would be next to her, teaching her patiently whenever she encountered obstacles in her learnings and practice with her continuously.
This time around, he brought his mother and father for class. As days passed by, it can be seen that the interaction among them 3 was all about warmth, delving deeper into their inner world.
One could see a 30 years old man, choking as he shared his deepest feelings but yet his face shining radiantly as his filial attitude nourishes his life, enriching his soul, touching everyone’s heart.
You could see his mother who has cancer beaming broadly because of his love.
You could see how each step he took soften his father’s pride and ego, allowing the aged couple to mesmerize the sweetness of love again.
This sharing has nourished my inner soul, flowing through my system, like a quiet, clear river.
This year, just before the Lunar New Year, my 90 years old grandfather had a stroke and broke his leg. It was also found that his oesophagus was narrowed and a nasogastric feeding tube had to be inserted.
Grandpa has always enjoyed living alone. Nobody could convince him to stay with any of his children. So mum moved him to a house which she got nearby so that he can be taken care of easily. The location of the house is very strategic and lively as my younger brother, uncle and cousin sisters and brothers live in that area. The best part, my second brother and sister-in-law live just across the street.
When Grandpa was discharged from the hospital, my parents, three aunts and uncles took turns, rotating shifts to take care of my bed-ridden grandfather 24 hours a day.
There was a professional nurse who would come over to care, made necessary treatments and check up on Grandpa. She told my parents and relatives that from her experiences as a nurse, granddad would not survive till the Chinese New Year. My mum called me up to deliver this piece of news and told me to prepare for the worst.
We went back to our hometown for the Chinese New Year celebration and initially, my mum and aunts have made a restaurant reservation of 6 tables to have a feast for my grandfather and I as we share the same birth date and it was very close to Chinese New Year. We have had such celebrations for many years however, due to Grandpa’s condition, we were not able to celebrate together this year. We were all reminded numerous times that we are not to even talk about it by our elders because according to Malaysia’s Chinese Custom, it is best to forgo celebrating birthdays when our older relatives are gravely ill.
Therefore, all of us, the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren went to Grandpa’s house every day to gather and have meals during the Chinese New Year celebration. It was bustling with noise and excitement. Although Grandpa was bed-ridden, listening to the gleeful voices from his grand and great-grandchildren has made him feeling happy. It was as though these companionships were the best medicine where one could see the corner of his mouth rising up faintly.
He kept reminding my aunt to prepare the Red Packets (Ang Pows) for him and that he would hand it out to us each, himself.
“Dad, Happy New Year. May you be blessed with good health”.. “Grandpa, Gong Xi Fai Cai, to good health”.. “Azu, Happy Chinese New Year..” There were about 70 of us, we could see an extremely long line forming from the living room up to the kitchen! We would hold Grandpa’s hand tenderly as we take the precious Red Packets from him.
After the Chinese New Year holidays, we all returned to our own home and I called up my mother every day to check up on Grandpa’s condition. With the sincere care and accompaniment of his children and grandchildren, not only did Grandpa spent the entire Lunar New Year with us but pull out the nasogastric tube all by himself (as it was making him feeling uncomfortable) and surprised us all as he began to eat by himself!
A few days ago, my sister-in-law sent us a short video. When I played the video, Grandpa could stand and began to walk slowly!
This time around, there is an outbreak of a new pneumonia (COVID-19) pandemic. There are many elderly people living alone or nursing homes in Europe. Due to them not being able to receive the proper treatment at the right time, many of them passed away feeling lonely.
Little Yellow Flower Education Foundation did a part by supplying free food baskets for some of the poor elderly folks who lives alone during the Malaysia Movement Control Order.
I visited a nursing home with my aunt once and the administrator told us that there were more nursing homes mushrooming and it was so disheartening for him.
It is something that is not understandable as in this modern metropolis world, where we can be proud of our achievements, where the world is more advanced, civilized, technologies are more developed, goods are more refined, education levels are standing tall, why is it that we are not able to accommodate and tolerate these elderly people who have once devoted their early days to the society and sacrificed for their family?
They were also once young and energetic laborers. Why are they now forgotten and abandoned during their last years when they are the ones who needs to be cared for, and loved most?
Feeling more superiority does not bring us more happiness. The more private space we strive for, will only distance ourselves from others…..
So far… that we could not even see and remember the people or things are really matters and are worth treasuring.
Where are the family members of these aged people?
There may be many stories to it but can it be rewritten if there were less pride and a little more empathy?
The Universe creates Life and parents are the bridges that brings life into this world. Why is it that we can provide the best for our children but not for our parents?
My friend, Rene has to take care of her grandmother, her father and mother; three golden gems. She will always walk over to their house to see them, accompany them, cook delicious meals for them and take care of their daily lives. Each time I see the pictures, videos and texts she share about her grandmother and parents, I am deeply moved.
Even as an International acclaimed actress and singer, she would still try her very best to take care of the three old family members and 1 young child as any normal mother, daughter and grand-daughter will do in her everyday life.
Last year, I visited a nursing home with a friend where there were more than 60 seniors who had dementia.
They are given shelter for various reasons. There are some seniors being visited by family members occasionally whereas there are some who are being totally neglected and abandoned. Seeing some of them, fragile looking, gazing blankly into the wall, allowing loneliness to seep into their souls by the inches, waiting for death to visit them while lying on their bed in this empty, dark shed, left me feeling extremely sad.
Let us all close our eyes, recollect our childhood’s memories, picturing the silhouettes of our parents who were taking care of us. Quiet down, feel the presence of our parents now. Can we still hear their voices, sense the connection and the warmth among us?
#说一说
#父母之恩
#letstalkabout
#loveforparents
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